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How to Work a Room

Do you find yourself stuck in awkward silences with members of your own family? Whether you want to improve your social skills in your business or personal life, Susan RoAne, keynote speaker and best-selling author of the newly revised How to Work a Room(Collins, 2007), can help. In this LifeScript exclusive, RoAne gives the low-down on how to feel at ease, meet new people and form new relationships – no matter what social situation you find yourself in.

The Benefits
Savvy social skills are essential for business executive women who attend conferences and high-powered meetings. But those in the workforce aren’t the only ones who can benefit from networking know-how. Whether you’re at a wedding, birthday party or casual barbeque, working a room with charm and pizzazz will ensure everyone remembers you. You’ll have a blast meeting new people, and you’ll make new friends and contacts along the way.

Prepare
Think of it as studying for a test: Your work begins before you show up to the class. You’ll ace the next event with this study guide:

Short Term
1. If you’re dreading your second cousin’s niece’s graduation or your office’s dull company picnic, change your mindset. “Instead of thinking ‘I don’t want to waste time,’ think ‘I wonder who I’m going to meet,’” RoAne says. “Think of it as an opportunity.”

2. Practice introducing yourself. Keep the introduction around seven to nine seconds, and tailor it to the event. For example, if you’re taking a Spanish class, mention why you’re interested in the language: “Hi, I’m Vanessa Taylor. I’m visiting Mexico in six months, and I want to make sure I’m prepared.” At a social party, start with something funny, like this suggestion from RoAne’s book: “Don’t these desserts look decadent? Hi, I’m George Costanza; chocoholic.” (Check out susanroan.com for more tips like this.)

3. No matter the credentials or accomplishments of those in the room, remember that you too have something to offer. To boost your confidence, brainstorm your assets pre-party. What are you interested in? What are your skills? Reminding yourself of your good points will make you feel more at ease, even when you’re introduced to big-shots and CEOs.

4. Research online; if you’re going to a professional trade show, look for relevant facts about the organization. If it’s a social event, look for interesting trivia about the venue.

5. Follow the dress-code, but be creative. “Help people talk to you,” RoAne suggests. An interesting hat, a colorful blouse or an exotic necklace are all great conversation starters.

Long Term
1. Just say yes. If your friends invite you to a concert but you’ve never heard of the band, go with them anyway. New experiences make you a more interesting person, and will give you a new story to bring up in conversation.

2. Build a bank of conversation starters by reading the newspaper every day. “A good conversationalist is well read, well-versed and well-rounded,” RoAne explains in How to Work a Room. “He or she knows what is going on in the world and can talk about it.” Catching up on current events and being knowledgeable in a variety of general topics will help you make meaningful contributions to conversations.

At the Event
1. Don’t arrive later than 15 minutes after the posted time. If you get there early, the room will walk into you. If you come late, people will already be mid-conversation when you arrive.

2. What happens if everyone is already in groups when you get there? Sometimes the event’s host will introduce you to others – but don’t rely on this. Find a group of at least three or four people who are animated and having fun, and stand in the periphery. When the opportunity arises, nod and make a pleasantry. Another tip: Be honest and don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know anyone there. RoAne remembers a friend who approached groups with a big smile on her face and simply asked “May I join you?” No one ever replied, “No, we don’t want you.”

3. Have no idea how to start a conversation? If you’re in the same room, you already have something in common. Inquire as to how they know the host, comment on the food or ask if they traveled far to get there. Identify some common ground: Maybe you both like to swim or have a daughter who’s engaged.

4. Talk to strangers. Yes, you’re putting your ego on the line every time you approach someone new, but this is the best way to create social and business opportunities. “The rewards in life go to the risk-takers,” RoAne says. If your prospect doesn’t seem interested in the conversation, politely excuse yourself and move on. The person you think is “rejecting” you may just be preoccupied with his or her personal life.

5. Really listen. Make an effort to remember the person’s name, as well as what you discuss during the conversation. “The hint to remembering isn’t having a great memory,” RoAne says. “It’s about listening when people speak.” And don’t forget the other basics of good listening, like making eye contact and using receptive body language.

6. Be sincere. Working a room can yield tremendous personal and professional gains. But whatever your goals are, keep in mind that “The people who are ultimately the most successful at working a room are those who genuinely like, respect and trust other people,” RoAne explains in her book.

Work the World
Even if you don’t have a social or business event coming up, there are still plenty of potential friends and business contacts in your life. You were born into a network; just look around you. You have neighbors, family friends, classmates, and coworkers. Even familiar faces at the gym and video store count as your network.

Your social skills will help you wherever you are, even if you’re not in a typical room. Use them to make new friends at a park, a bank, a baseball game, a bookstore, or on a plane. Everything – even running to the grocery store for a quart of milk – is an opportunity to meet someone new. If you have to go somewhere anyway, you might as well go with the intention of having a good time.

“Woody Allen said that 80 percent of success is showing up, but showing up is not enough,” RoAne says. “You have to participate.”

Reprint from LifeScript.com. 

 

Mobile Languages for Mobile Women

Globalization continues to impact almost every aspect of our lives, and the global economy increasingly demands multiple language skills. Many people outside the U.S. are multi-lingual – but many Americans aren’t. For the savvy professional women, learning a second language is probably on her to do list.

Women thrive on accomplishing things that we – and sometimes others – thought we couldn’t. Learning a second language is one such a challenge, whether it’s to finally pick up those French lessons we dropped in college, learn Italian to take cooking or art classes in Florence, or master Mandarin to get in on the burgeoning professional action in China. For some, like me, picking up languages again helps demonstrate we can do it, and share love of learning and language with our kids (my twin daughters have far surpassed my Spanish fluency at the tender age of eight).

While women may well have the enthusiasm and discipline, learning a second language post-college presents its own difficulties. Few of us have the time to commit to traditional evening or weekend classes, or the patience to listen to comprehensive taped lessons that begin with Dick, Jane, and their dog Spot.

But thanks to the new wave of Web 2.0 technologies, mastering a foreign language has gotten a whole lot easier – and more fun. Among the leaders in this brave, new world of personalized learning systems (PLS) is Praxis Language, founded by three Western entrepreneurs who combined their expertise in linguistics, learning and technology to capitalize on the phenomenal growth in demand for learning Mandarin.

PLS reverses the traditional teacher-centric, one-to-many format by configuring the instruction around the learning process itself and the needs of the individual student. The result is a whole new level of sophistication and effectiveness. ChinesePod.com was launched first in 2005, followed by the award-winning SpanishPod.com in 2007 and FrenchPod.com and ItalianPod.com in 2008. And EnglishPod was released in 2009.

In addition to being downright easy to use, such educational delivery systems are – by their very nature – specifically tailored for individual use and quintessentially mobile. Mobility enables language learning via a variety of media – including the PC, iPod, MP3 player, iPhone and mobile phone, giving the user control in a ubiquitous learning environment, available 24/7, that lets her be "immersed in the moment" – any time.

All the modern language student has to do is download any of literally hundreds of self-selected, 10-12 minute lessons – cleverly disguised as entertaining mini-dramas – that come in six different skill levels. Then, when she’s ready to practice her new skills, she signs up for guided discussions or one-on-one lessons via Skype, where she can converse in real time with native speakers from around the world.

LanguagePods appeal to all types of people around the world because of their mobility, personalization and effectiveness. Allowing users to hone in on the specific situations and specialized vocabulary they need, there are hundreds and hundreds of lessons. I’ve pulled out a few to provide a taste of what’s available to the busy woman interested in picking up a second language.

• Traveling to Spain or Latin America? From the basics of how to ask and tell basic information such as name, age, marital status, phone number, nationality to useful expressions such as how to introduce yourself, how to approach someone you want to chat with, how to start a conversation or a relationship, or even what to say when a friend introduces you to someone, SpanishPod has it.

• As an international business woman, you may need to prepare for a meeting in Shanghai or Beijing. Who knew there was so much involved in a simple business card exchange in China! You’ll make a significant impression if you understand the formalities and can make an attempt in Mandarin using ChinesePod,

• As a frequent traveler to Italy, I usually rely on my friends there to help me get by, but with ItalianPod I can tap the appropriate lessons from catching the right bus  to getting out of anembarrassing situation when your cell phone rings in the middle of La Traviata at La Scala.

• Have you ever tried to say "Do you speak…?" in another language? Whether you’re in a Paris café, on a Martinique beach, or in a Morrocan bazaar, learning how to begin aconversation in French is important.

• Learning English could never be easier using mobile podcasts and choose only the lessons that suit your needs.

If you looking to learn a second language while balancing the rest of your life, LanguagePods just might be what you’re looking for.

Written originally for w2wlink.com by Stacie Nevadomski Berdan.

 

How to Tell a Bad Customer from a Good One

You may remember that V-8 commercial from many years ago. The snacker smacked his head after eating something unhealthy and then shouted, “I could have had a V-8!”

Just like food that’s good for you and food that’s not, there are customers who are good for your business and some who are not. Here’s how to tell the difference.

Danger signals. This customer promised to complete a credit application quickly and submit it by a particular date. That day came and went. There were several appointments when the customer showed up late without a reason. The customer gave another powerful clue about his behavior when the salesman delivered the price quote. This customer had bought product in another city that was smaller and more remote. The prices were therefore higher at this new location. The customer complained.

A customer who doesn’t honor all commitments is a customer who is not serious about buying.

When customers argue about price late in the sales process and don’t have a justification — like buying large volumes to earn a discount — they are giving you a warning. They are going to be tough to work with, if they ever do buy.
Good signs. Just as there are warnings, there are clues that will guide you to a good customer. Good customers will give you referrals even before they buy. They understand your value and want other businesses to get the same value they will be getting from you.

In the sales process, they don’t start the sales call with, “Tell me your price.” They are willing to talk about their business so you can learn more about where your products and services fit in to improve their business. Unlike the tough customers, these good customers honor all the promises they make.

Your job in sales is to recognize which prospects are good for your business — and which ones are bad and likely to give you headaches.

The Four Myths of Self-Promotion

As women, it can be hard to "toot our own horns" and own up to our strengths. But it's so important to know your worth and to be able to speak to it! We're reading the following four tips on self-promotion, from forbeswoman.com. 

Want to make a woman feel uncomfortable? Just ask about her strengths. It's no stereotype: Studies show that women are notoriously bad at promoting themselves.

One study, from employee search firm ISR, attributes this trait to the high value women place on relationships and communities. Women don't speak about their strengths, the reasoning goes, because they don't want to alienate people who are less successful.

Whatever its cause, this hesitance to self-promote hurts women's careers. In today's competitive world the people most vocal about their accomplishments are the ones most likely to get ahead. And by downplaying their accomplishments and deflecting praise onto others, women act like their own worst enemies.

As a marketing consultant for women business owners, I see this behavior all the time. I've also heard countless excuses for why women avoid self-promotion. These excuses tend to fall into one of four categories, which I've dubbed the four myths of self-promotion:

The Bitch Myth-"Self promotion will make me look arrogant."
Not all self-promotion is shameless. Sometimes it's essential to a successful career, whether that means reminding a boss of your achievements or publicizing the 10th anniversary of your business. But many women have trouble making the distinction between shameless bragging and smart marketing.

"For many years, I thought some people--pushy people--were good at promoting themselves," says Alisa Bowman, a former magazine editor and blogger at ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com. "Then there were the rest of us. I always thought I was a better person for having that belief, but when I look back on my career, I know that attitude hurt me. I didn't get raises or promotions because I failed to toot my own horn."

With a book coming out later this year, Bowman has since changed her tune. "What I've found is that promoting oneself is not bitchy at all," she says. "In fact, it's quite the opposite. I believe in my message. Not promoting it would be selfish, as it would deny people the opportunity to learn from what I have to say."

The Princess Myth-"If I'm good enough, people will hear about it."
This myth originates from fairy tales where the princess waits for her knight to arrive and sweep her off her feet. Generations of girls have heard this story. Many grow up believing it's true. If you work hard and wait patiently enough, someone will eventually notice.

Unfortunately, this only applies to fairy tales. In the corporate world most people are juggling too many responsibilities to notice what others are doing well. This goes double for people with the authority to give promotions and pay raises.
And for business owners, simply waiting for the right customers to appear is a recipe for failure. The world is too full of competition for businesses to stay solvent without good promotion.

"I had a client who came to me mystified that people weren't pounding her door down because of the great work she did," says Kae Kohl, chief marketing "nerd" of Kiwi Marketing Group. "We get more mail in a day than our grandparents received in a month. To assume that our message will somehow be heard with no action on our part is not only outmoded but dangerous. Survival depends upon taking action to get noticed."

The Friends and Family Myth-"Others should talk about my accomplishments, not me."
Some women assume that their friends, family and other customers will do their marketing for them by spreading positive word of mouth. While word of mouth is a great form of promotion, relying on word of mouth alone can hurt your chances of success.

Let's face it--no one is more passionate about your work than you. No one else knows the depth of your experience and expertise. And no one can elaborate on your unique skills as convincingly as you can. By delegating promotion to others, you're taking away your best opportunity to demonstrate your value.

"I used to think that promoting myself would seem arrogant, [and] if the people who love me promoted me, it would sound more realistic," says Stephanie Kessler, senior associate at Community First Fund."The problem with this myth is that their promotion could be inappropriate or off-base. Worse, friends can become enemies, especially in a competitive environment, in which case they may not be promoting but disparaging you. So the safest bet is to promote yourself."

The Martyr Myth-"You can't control what people think anyway."
When self-promotion makes you feel uncomfortable, it can be tempting to take a "why bother?" attitude. After all, people form their first impressions before you even say a word, so there's no sense trying to change their minds ... right? Wrong!
Artist Lindsey Stauffer struggles with this question. "I like to think that if people like the painting, they'll buy it, and if they don't, they won't, and nothing I say will make any difference," she says. "But I know that's not true because I've watched other people make the sales pitch and it works for them."

The Bottom Line
The myths you believe often mask a deeper insecurity about the value you place on what you have to offer. If you don't fully believe in yourself, you'll naturally resist stepping into the spotlight. This resistance, plus generations of conditioning to be humble and stand on the sidelines, has left many women unprepared for today's ultra-competitive business world.

That doesn't mean you have to play the role of a pushy saleswoman to get ahead. But it does require taking small steps outside your comfort zone. Get familiar with your strong points. Write them down if necessary and put them somewhere you'll see them often. (Practice talking yourself up in front of friends: They'll give you honest feedback about what works and what doesn't.)

Most importantly, tap into your passion for what you do. By denying your passion a voice, you keep the world from benefiting from what you have to offer. And that's the most shameful thing of all.

reprinted from ForbesWoman.com

Create Positive Relationships

The quality of our relationships affects our health. Our relationships are governed by a give and take of energy. Some people make us more electric or at ease. Yet others suck the life right out of us.

As a physician and energy specialist I want to verify that some people affect us like  'energy vampires', roaming the world sapping our exuberance. With patients and in my workshops I’ve seen their fang marks and the carnage they’ve strewn. But most of us don’t know how to identify and cope with people who draw down our energy, so we mope around as unwitting casualties, enduring a preventable fatigue.

Here are some types to watch for and ways to deal with them.

#1: The Sob Sister
Every time you talk to her she's whining. She adores a captive audience.  She’s the coworker with the “poor me” attitude who’s more interested in complaining than solutions.

How to Protect Yourself: Set clear boundaries. Limit the time you spend talking about her complaints. With a firm but kind attitude say, “I’m sorry I can only talk for a few minutes today.” And go on with your work.

#2: The Drama Queen
This peron has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas. My patient Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late for work. One weeks he had the flu and “almost died.” Next, his car was towed, again!.  After this employee left her office Sarah felt tired and used.

How to Protect Yourself: A drama queen doesn’t get mileage out of equanimity. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will help you not  get caught up in the histrionics. At work, set kind but firm limits. Say, "You must be here on time to keep your job. I'm sorry for all your mishaps, but work comes first."

#3:The Constant Talker or Joke Teller
He has no interest in your feelings; he’s only concerned with himself. Initially, he might seem entertaining, but when the talking doesn’t stop, you begin to get tired. You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes. Or he might physically move in so close he's practically breathing on you. You edge backwards, but without missing a beat, he steps closer again. “One patient said about such a coworker, ‘Whenever I spot this man my colon goes into spasm.”

How to Protect Yourself: Know that these people don’t respond to nonverbal cues. You must speak up and interrupt. Listen for a few minutes- then from a neutral place politely say, “I’m a quiet person, so please excuse me for not talking a long time—a much more constructive tack than “Keep quiet, you’re driving me crazy!”

#4. The Fixer Upper
This one is desperate for you to fix her endless problems—at all hours. She turns you into her therapist. At lunch, she’ll make a b-line to your desk, monopolizing  your free time. Her neediness lures you in.

How to Protect Your Energy: Do not become the “rescuer.” Show empathy but resist offering solutions. Be supportive but tell her, “I’m confident you’ll find the right solution” or sensitively suggest that she seek a qualified professional for help.

#4: The Blamer
This person has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for not getting things just right. Whenever my patient Marie, a book editor, sees her boss she’s on guard; her boss had a way of cutting her down that saps her energy. She always has a negative comment to make.

How to Protect Yourself:  Try this visualization. Around this person imagine yourself surrounded by a cocoon of protection, a shield, that keeps you from being harmed. Tell yourself that you are safe and secure here. The cocoon filters out the negativity so it can't deplete you.

#5: Go For The Jugular Fiend
This type is vindictive and cuts you down  with no consideration for your feelings. He says things like, “Forget that job. It’s out of your league.” These jabs can be so hurtful it’s hard to get them out of your head.

How To Protect Yourself: Eliminate them from your life whenever possible. For a boss who isn’t going anywhere try a visualization that put you at a distance from them, and refuse to ingest the poison. If you don’t want to switch jobs, realize he’s a wounded person; try not to take his meanness personally.

Adapted from Positive Energy: Ten Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear Into Vibrance, Strength, and Love

Professional Women's Guide To Office Essentials

At long last, Democrats and Republicans agree on something: Nancy Pelosi is the best-dressed woman in Washington. Her stylish suits, paired perfectly with jewelry, are sophisticated and polished – and show the world she means business. Pelosi knows that what we wear speaks volumes about how seriously we take our jobs. The media may not be analyzing your every fashion choice, but you can bet your boss is. Read on to discover which office essentials you should keep in your closet.

Dress to Impress
The first step to dressing well is to acknowledge that your clothes send a message about your work ethic. “Whether it’s fair or not, people size you up by what you wear,” says Mary Lou Andre, fashion consultant and author of Ready to Wear (Penguin, 2004). Ironed slacks and a crisp blouse will earn the boss’s applause, while scuffed pumps and fraying sweaters will draw attention you don’t want.

Shallow as it seems, the state of your shoes affects your coworkers’ view of you. But look on the bright side – with the right clothes, anyone can make a great impression. “When you present yourself in a professional manner, you come across as more credible,” says Andre. “Dressing appropriately shows respect for your coworkers and puts everyone at ease.” You have to get dressed every morning anyway. Why not dress well?

Even seasoned professionals scratch their heads over the terms “business casual” and “corporate attire.” If you’re confused about the dress code in your office, sneak a peak at a female superior. Does she wear hose under skirts or keep her legs bare? Are her shoes open- or closed-toe? Does she wear sweaters and slacks or skirt suits? Taking a hint from her will keep your style on track and show her that you’re serious about your work. Don’t dress for the job you have. “Dress for the job you want,” says Andre.

Invest in the Classics
You don’t need Pelosi’s bank account to cop her impeccable style. Save money on items that you’ll wear infrequently, and invest in a few stellar pieces that will last for years.

You can’t go wrong with a tailored black pantsuit and a crisp white blouse, but it can become boring day in and day out. Splurge on other items, but only if they’re high quality.. Try a sweater dress, one of Andre’s top 10 fashion picks for the ’06-‘07 winter season. It’s feminine but will keep you boardroom-appropriate. Work the look by adding a leather belt or tall boots. Layer it over patterned tights if your office is casual; slip on nude hose for a more conservative look.

Andre also recommends every woman own a pair of classic black pumps or loafers, which lend polish to any outfit. Keep a brown or taupe pair of heels on hand too.

When you shop, look for quality, versatility and sophistication. If you invest in well-made pieces, they’ll last for years. “It’s not about having a lot of clothes,” says Andre, “but about having the right ones.”

Pull it Together
Once you have your staples, focus on the little extras. Forget PDAs and Blackberries – lint rollers and irons are this season’s best business tools. Make sure your clothes are clean, pressed and in good condition. Taking care of your clothes will bring your look together and lend sophistication – no matter how much you paid for your wardrobe.

Don’t underestimate the power of a great tailor. Even a $10 blouse will look like a million bucks if it fits you just right. “Every woman should make best friends with a seamstress,” as Andre puts it.

Fun with Fashion
Your clothes should fit your professional image more closely than they fit your body. Even if you have great legs or amazing cleavage, you’re at the office to work. “More skin equals less power,” warns Andre.

But you don’t have to hide your femininity under a potato sack to climb the corporate ladder. Follow Andres’ 80/20 rule: Keep 80% of your outfit standard, and have fun with the other 20%. If you love to dress sexy, slip on a conservative pantsuit – and your hottest pair of stilettos. If you love animal prints, skip the head-to-toe jungle fever and rock a leopard cami under a classic blazer.

Experimenting is what makes fashion fun, and accessories are a great place to try out new trends. You can rev up any office outfit by adding a colorful scarf, leather belt, detailed handbag, strappy shoes, or sparkly earrings. Attention-grabbing red accents are another of Andre’s top ten picks for this season. Pair a red handbag with a neutral suit or don a red A-line skirt with a black silk blouse and black boots. You’ll add pizzazz and still look professional.

For more on Mary Lou Andre, check out dressingwell.com.

 

We Attract Who We Are

A basic dynamic of energy is that we attract who we are --the more positive energy we give off, the more positive connections we’ll magnetize to us. Ditto for negativity. It works like this: Love attracts love. Grumpiness attracts grumpiness. Passion attracts passion. Rage attracts rage. The explanation? This human form of ours is a subtle energy transmitter. We’re constantly sending out signals that others on similar frequencies pick up on and gravitate toward -- an instinctual call we may not be aware of. Why opportunities do or don’t show up in our lives is a function of this.

A striking phenomenon known by many therapists is that we often attract waves of patients who mirror our current struggles and joys. It’s as if a communiqué is issued to the universe saying, “I’m here. This is what I’m going through. Come to me." For example, soon after I sold my first book Second Sight, a series of patients also had beloved projects that came through for them. A few years before, as I helplessly watched my father losing control of mind and body from Parkinson’s Disease, I received a burst of anguished calls from new patients whose parents with Parkinson’s were suffering the same harrowing decline. On a lighter note, when the daughter of a psychologist-friend got pregnant, my friend’s practice suddenly became a parade of expectant parents.

How can we harness this intriguing alchemy to bring yearned-for positive connections to us? The crux is to strive to energetically embody what we want to attract. For starters, take a look at where you are now. This entails nailing down parameters for what being positive does and doesn’t mean in terms of attitude and behavior. Once you’re definitive about this, you can strengthen these traits in yourself and attract the same. Don’t worry if you’re far from a positive place now.

It’s an evolution. Give thought to what you value most in yourself or others. Keep a running list in your journal. Here’s the essence of how I see it.

Positive persons are:

• Committed to developing compassion towards themselves and others, and having an open heart
• Courageous about following their dreams
• Those who seek to be authentic and believe in themselves, even when externals are crumbling
• Aware of their darkside and trying to heal it
• Willing to learn from mistakes

Positive persons aren’t:

• Perfect, phony or positive all the time
• Beating themselves to a pulp over shortcomings or a black hole of pessimism
• Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden
• Squeaky clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.
• Saccharine pleasers who ignore their darkside and unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.

Never forget: we’re talking about real human beings with pluses and minuses. What sets positive people apart, though, is a determination to do their best and not succumb to what’s negative in themselves or externals. Where some of my patients go wrong is holding idealized expectations, not grasping that everyone--including themselves!--has irritating/challenging/disappointing aspects. Earth to humans: we’re inhabiting the material planet with all its foibles. Even so, you can legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humor. These are my heroes and friends. In contrast, someone “too-perfect” feels like fingernails on the blackboard to me. You don’t want to be anything like those always-smiling, aiming-to-please, women-robots in the horror flick, “The Stepford Wives.” These are the evil twins of the positive person I’m portraying.

This law of attraction will make doors open. The root truth is that quality of connections, not quantity counts. Understanding this demands that we see beyond our culture’s obsession with popularity. I appreciate how inbred the desire may be. High school can be hell for anyone “unpopular.” I, for one, felt so agonizingly out of it; the “cool” kids hung on the “upper patio” while I snuck cigarettes behind the auditorium with my scraggly hippie friends. Thankfully, as an adult, I realized that popularity is a mixed bag that doesn’t always deliver happiness. Yes, opportunities may increase. And, of course, it feels good to be liked. But I’ve seen this need turn into addiction.

I’ve worked with actors whose self-esteem is inextricably tied to their public’s adulation -- certain suicide for self esteem. Also without exceeding discrimination, mass popularity can lead to confusion and defeat. One patient, a drop-dead-gorgeous model, can’t get from the parking garage to my office without a guy coming on to her. This woman has a seeming jackpot of romantic options, but still keeps choosing the most horrifyingly flawed men, a destructive pattern that brought her to see me.

Energy doesn’t simply have an on-off switch. Just as a radio emission has a volume control, you can adjust your vibes. You can amp them up with some people and tone them down with others. 

 

Build Your Business Through Smart Networking

Many of us still have a negative perception when we hear the word "networking," and, as I always say, it's a misunderstood word. My theory is that good networking skills build links and alliances with people we meet along our career path.

The opposite of networking is not working.

You can learn from everyone you meet and also be a resource to them. If you are lucky, down the road something may come back. Here are a few questions that I am  often asked about this "new philosophy" on something that has been around since the beginning of time.

Is networking just about finding customers and growing one's business?
Networking is all about developing and building relationships first. When this happens with hard work and sincerity, customers will come. It's like a garden. When you meet new people for the first time, it's like planting a seed. When you stay in touch by meeting for coffee or sending a holiday card, it's like watering the seeds. Finally when there is a genuine reason for you to have a closer working relationship or friendship, it's like the harvest. Remember we can plant and we can water -- however the growth is a natural and organic process. You cannot rush it. One needs to think win/win and patience. I look at each connection I make as how I can help or refer that person. The biggest joy is when I put someone in touch with someone else and they do business together. Three of my major corporate clients took over three years to develop -- lots of staying in touch, patience and finally an opportunity to work on an assignment. Each has turned into multiple referrals within the organization. The goal is stay in front of people, to be on their radar screen as a thank you. I do this with my electronic tips of the month, my quarterly newsletter and a variety of articles.

What has been the biggest negative that I have heard about networking?
The top complaint that came from a national survey that my company did was about people who act like they are trying to sell you something right when they meet you. They pounce on you and tell you only about themselves and don't have any interest in you. Another complaint is about people who lose interest if they don't think you can help them -- the people who figure they only need to network when they NEED a job or business.

The key is always to give first. Be a resource -- go through your database and think how you can help the other person. Every day, get in touch with three people just to say hello. I do this systematically. It could be as simple as sending an article including a note saying, "I haven't spoken to you in a while and thought you might be interested in this." Let them know about an event they might enjoy or congratulate them on a recent accomplishment. Keep it sincere, short and make it about them -- not about you.

Is networking costly in terms of time?
Networking, the way I look at it, is part of everyday life. Think of your current business or company -- how can you connect with each person, vendor or client and then plant seeds so that you get referrals? Ask questions, show interest and ask about things that are of interest to them. The time that you invest will be paid back many times over as you are developing and building relationships.

Think of the associations you belong to and make the time that you go to these meetings and functions work for you. Get involved: work on committees and meet and develop new contacts throughout the year.

What are some things you can do to become more visible in your community?
Offer to speak at a local organization meeting. You might also offer to do a free mini-seminar on your specialty in business. Write articles and publish your own newsletter, which you will send to your master file and also to a prospect list and database that you continually are developing and building. On the market, there are many pre-produced marketing pieces that can be created and customized with your name and contact information. Just be sure to always sign it yourself and, if possible, add something personal. For me, the newsletter is a piece of "gold." I send out 2,500 copies quarterly, and I always personalize each one. It can be as simple as, "Hi, Lisa, hope you're great! Andrea."

What are the five great keys to building your business through networking?

1. Meet people and nurture your current network.
2. Listen and learn from everyone you meet. We learn more by listening then talking, which is why we have two ears and one mouth. Also, we can learn from those we do not like -- we learn how not to be. When you listen you also learn what people need and how to be a resource and give to them.
3. Make connections for others -- find ways to connect other people together. I say 1+1=3. People will remember who made the original connection.
4. Follow up. This is critical and the one thing most people forget to do. Under promise and over deliver. Do what you say and do it in a timely fashion. A wonderful quote I live by, "Give without remembering and receive without forgetting."
5. Find creative ways to follow up. There is always an opportunity to stay on people's radar screen with an article, note, something of interest to them -- even remembering a birthday.

Remember this:

N Remember people's Names and Nurture your Network
E Have good Eye contact, Empathy and know when to Exit
T Talk less, listen more -- think, Trust and Timing is everything
W Write personal notes to people and remember this is Work!
O Every time you meet someone is an Opportunity to learn and be Organized
R Reputation, Relationships, Reflection, Rapport, Results
K Knowledge is power with execution, Kindness pays!
I   Be Interested in others, Integrity is key, take the Initiative
N Sometimes you have to say No
G Goals, Gratitude, be Generous with your time 

Reprint from salesopedia.com.

A membership in the Executive Women’s Golf Association (EWGA) offers many personal and professional benefits for career growth and business networking.

You can build connections with a diverse group women from coast to coast, and in Canada and Europe too. Engage in year-round golf, social, education, and networking events geared for busy women at all golf skill levels. Here are some key benefits:

• Golf gets you outdoors and provides time just for you. 
• Golf has long been a sport for doing business - don't let your resume be without it.
• Golf is all about relationship-building. 
• Golf with the EWGA is more than a game - it's a lifestyle.

EWGA is currently offering several courses and a scholarships program that can get you started, reveal the benefits of golf to your business, and help get financial assistance to those that need it. To find out more, click here. 

This article was written by Andrea Nierenberg.

 

Our CEO takes a trip to India!

Our CEO Lisbeth McNabb just got back from her trip in India where she visited our new partners Ketaki Malhotra, -- w2wlink Kohpal -- we are forming joint venture for india extension of w2wlink.com for corporate hr and diversity leadership development.

Check out her travel diary!

On the ground learning on the culture, enjoying the food and conversations, and spending time with business leaders of MNC captives, multinational corporations and india HQ companies.

Entrepreneur funding and visibility in US, UK, and many international markets is weak in its women featured.   Economic times on feb 3 2012 in india features a cluster of entrepreneurs award winners, all men, in story.  Unfortunately some unfavorable trends are in common Usa to India.

w2wlink, Tie, Entrepreneur Organization EI, and other global member groups are on the ground in India to build more successful growth company women entrepreneurs with access to capital!

 

Here are some Shawls (scarf or wrap in USA )

India has style and quality and color!

 

The city

 

We have signed our partnership and company formed to launch in q2 in india.   We met with a dozen fortune 100 multi national and india headquartered companies on building w2wlink into their women diversity strategy--to employ, retain, develop and promote women, and build work life management frameworks into their employee engagement.

Fabulous conversations with operational, HR, and women leaders....and with catalyst.org, Tie non profit, and experts in india on topics from leadership, entrepreneurship, image consulting(aka personal branding in US), work life management in india social culture.   Much to learn on w2wlink.com on international platform, and on our Q2 w2wlink.in platform...

Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs

As host of the radio show "The Empowered Mother," I have the privilege of coaching moms and moms-to-be across the country. A recent session proved particularly interesting and is a wonderful example for many professional women.

Who: Kristen, a 37-year-old mother of two boys, starting her own business.

Issue: "I have so much already in my life and I am grateful. But, I’m starting my business and I want it all and I want it all right now!"

Background: Kristen has two small boys, ages two and four. She used to be the fashion director for "Cosmo Girl" magazine and has been a stay-at-home mom the past few years. Recently Kristen has been itching to start up her own business. She is enthusiastic about her business ideas but worries that she isn’t moving fast enough.

The Coaching: After hearing Kristen describe both excitement and frustration with getting her new business rolling, I asked, "How good are you with patience on a scale of one to 10?" Kristen figured she was a three or four when it came to patience.

When you experience impatience around an issue or goal, there is often a limiting belief lurking below the surface. A limiting belief can be conscious or unconscious, but can act as a brake on your momentum. Usually you need to dig around and find the limiting belief that is slowing you down and choose to replace it with an empowering belief.

Mom-preneurs are no strangers to limited beliefs – typical beliefs include, "I’ll never have time to do everything," or "Someone else has done this better," or "I don’t deserve to have it all."

As Kristen and I talked, she was able to identify the underlying limiting belief behind her impatience, "I have to have it all now because the window is closing – I don’t trust that my passion and belief will always be there." Together we created an empowering new belief simply by eliminating the word "don’t" from the last statement.

Commitment: Kristen committed to letting the new belief, "I trust that my passion and belief WILL always be there," drive her business decisions and actions over the next month.

Result: "What I loved about the coaching is that it gave me permission to go a little easier on myself  -- that it all doesn’t have to happen right now. I struggle sometimes with taking a back seat as a mother. This helps me know that my business WILL happen and that small steps are okay too."

For You: You have the responsibility and privilege to consciously choose your beliefs for your life. By staying aware of your beliefs, you can keep the ones that serve you, weed out the ones that don’t, and choose the ones that will support who you want to be. The difference between a limiting and an empowering belief is quite literally the difference between a limited and a powerful life.

Is there a limiting belief lurking in your life? See if you can replace it with something more empowering!

Written originally for w2wlink.com by Amy Kovarick.